Marina Jacks (the Cougar Den)

http://www.marinajacks.com/portside.htm




OK – for those in SRQ this place is a water front staple that defines the city front - but let’s take some time to REALLY look at this place.

For sure there are some Pros, you can pull up in your boat, the deck, the view, and they mix a good Margarita – but with the good, comes the bad.

If you want GOOD food – don’t bother, of course if you think Applebee’s is a special night out this just might be your spot. Now – being the big hypocrite that I am – I do have an occasional bite with a brew. That being said – it is only to get some proteins into the system (a fast chew and a swallow gets it down – it’s not a flavor savor taste).

So what about the atmosphere? Well maybe this story will give you a taste of the nightlife of this swinging hangout.

A few months back our firm was recruiting a financial engineer from Chicago. Being a young city guy – we wanted to show him a good time in SRQ, of course one of the stops is a night out at the Jacks to enjoy the weather, view, and a drink. Of course I invited our local posse – to bring atmosphere to the table – or as we shall see – maybe protection as well.

I have become accustom to a certain segment of the SRQ scene – and not realizing that – we entered the Cougar Den! WHOA!!!! I quickly found a safe path through the danger to a far table on the outside edge of the Cougar mating ritual that was quickly reaching a crescendo. The balding mullet – Hawaiian clad guitar player (with Casio back-beat) was pushing out the standard play list that was a mix-mash jam (Buffet’s Cheese Burger in Paradise – into a Casio Drums/Space – into Taylor’s standard Mexico). The Cougars would pop up and down out of their seats with just enough energy to give their tanned-leather skin good shake over the bones. Some stumbled to the bar – with that smile  looking for a gold-chain-clad, one-too-many-buttons-undone, hair-club member to buy them the next round. These cougars, even in a fog of musical drunken ecstasy, knew (as if primordial) the right moves. For most of the cougars – this would be the 3rd or even 4th mate that would shell out for a large rock, those sorry mates would actually believe that THIS would be the ONE!

Of course I tried to play it down, but when I looked over at our guest from Chicago – his eyes had widen and I could see the image permanently burned into his mind.

Just then – BANG! A Plexiglas wall that had been protecting us from the DEN – was seriously tested as a Cougar had seen fresh meat and pushed its runny-makeup covered drunken face against the glass to square up our guest. The cougar reeled back from the glass (forgetting it was there), losing balance and almost crashed to the floor.

We did the most to play down the scene, but there was no going back – it had now become a permanent memory – never to be forgotten. Our job now was more difficult and we quickly absconded to safer pastures. We needed to show him a different scene before he either became Cougar meat (if he dawned the Beer-goggles) or escape back to the Windy City. Regardless of the event, our friend from Chicago had decided to make the haul to SRQ.

Jacks is a place for an afternoon drink and chips, a place to stop by at sunset, or to bring the boat in. However, when the sun sets the place transforms into the epicenter of cheese-ball music, drunken fornication, and dangerous cougars looking for fresh meat. You have been warned!