Geier’s Sausage Kitchen

http://www.geiers-sausage.com/

7447 S. Tamiami Tr. Sarasota, FL 34231

Saving the best for last?

If you head further south on the Trail – almost to Osprey and very close to my home you’ll find Geier’s yellow sign east of the Trail. It’s a German deli and not only do they have the meats, but a great selection of cheeses, bake goods, German beer, chocolate, and more.



If you are looking for Sausage’s this is the place. My only disappointment is NO venison. Florida has laws against selling it (or something like that). I did find out that they are the supplier for the sausage’s served in Germany’s World Showcase at Epcot – I guess that is a feather in their cap.

While you are going to pay higher prices than Publix (the local chain grocery store) – it is certainly not at Morton’s premiums, also it’s not geared for the premium shopping experience. Every corner of the store is packed with something. They are bursting at the seems – and have a great selection of merchandise.

Their Nuremberg and Bratwurst are great. Geier’s is high on my list and something unique to SRQ.

Morton’s Deli

http://www.mortonsmarket.com/
1924 S. Osprey Ave. Sarasota, FL

Just south of downtown – in the hospital district (west of the trail) is Morton’s. This place is reminiscent of the kind of over-priced deli’s that surrounded me in Marin, CA. The only difference is that living in Marin you didn’t have a choice – you pay to play.



Morton’s brings that same feeling to SRQ – halogen spot’s light up the veggies, a little wine tasting show-case, a bakery, and meat department. The atmosphere is 1st class and makes you feel better about dropping a C-note for some meat and cheese (that has at least a 50% mark-up). Of course you are able to tell your friends at the BBQ that these are Morton’s Chops – and you are certain to get a “hoo-hah” from them. I am not knocking the quality – it is VERY good – but you are stepping up and paying a premium to shop here and I think the juice is a little high – even for Marin standards. They are certainly suffering – or so the rumor on the street is such – in these economic times. Who wants to pay $10 a lbs for hamburger?

However – it is a great shopping experience and being the hypocrite I am – when I miss shopping in those over-priced deli’s in Marin – I swing by Morton’s to put a dent in my wallet. The premium is about the experience and being a brand whore. Like over paying for a dinner or bottle of wine – there is nothing wrong with it (once in a while) – but KNOW that you are NOT paying for quality, but rather a label and nothing more.

Main Bar - circa 1958!

Main Bar

http://www.themainbar.com/
1944 Main St. Sarasota, FL

First – downtown SRQ has the Main Bar. This is more dinner than deli food – but the locals would swear up and down this is the staple deli sandwich shop in SRQ. No doubt it has been here a long time and it is somewhat (and I mean loosely) reminiscent of a deli shop you might find in NY.

The menu is a two-pager loaded with a variety of sandwiches. There are always about 5, if not 10 soups on the menu (or so it seems). The sandwiches are OK – but it’s not like they are slicing fresh ham for each sandwich or making their own bread. The soups are a hit-or-miss item as well. I have had good and bad. No doubt the local’s jam this place up tight during the work-week lunch hour – but I am not sure if it is the food or the price that packs them in (I think the later). The atmosphere is what brings the NY old style deli into play. It’s a very narrow and long place with dinky booths and a counter on one side. Instead the "B" celebrity autograph photos dotting the wall as you would find in the NY deli, it is 1940’s and 50’s "D" list circus stars (remember SRQ was once the home of the Ringling Bros Circus).

The color is muck brown on brown - and looks stale as if the last serious update was done in the 70s (if that late) – but that’s what brings in that NY Deli atmosphere. The only thing missing is the rotating class cabinet with day old pieces of cake and the non-stop honking of horns as NY cabs push their way through traffic.

All that being said – if you want a cheap sando and bowl of soup – it’s a decent place to stop. It’s packed at lunch time – mostly pseudo-business types.

It’s not my top pick down-town for lunch – but when a sandwich and soup for on the cheap will do – why not?

Two Amigo’s (Mexican)

Living in SF, no doubt we are way above the boarder – but at one time SF was fairly Spanish (hence the Mission and Mission district). SF certainly had its many Mexican restaurants and small adventure down into the Mission district can get you some of the best eats north of the border.



A good friend of mine (from Mexico – the hard way) – took me out with his hombres down into the belly of the Mission District – the bar/restaurant was for the hard working and hard playing folks of the area.

We sat at a table with 4 of his friends, two didn’t speak English. A hefty waitress walked up to take the order (in Spanish) – we order beers and I noticed a large sign over the bar (a beer advertisement) – I thought I’d show off my (complete LACK of)  Spanish skills and ordered the “Coronita” – not only did the table burst out laughing (even the guys that didn’t speak English) – but the waitress repeated what I said to the bartender and pretty soon the whole house was laughing. My friend put his hand on my shoulder and said – “You silly Gringo, you ordered a bebe beer. Only a senorita would order such a thing.” I started laughing too. Silly me.

Needless to say – it was some of the best damn Mexican food I ever had and when the night kicked in with that Mexican Folk music (and a few more Coronita’s under my belt) I was up dancing.




Moving to SRQ – meant finding a decent Mexican restaurant. There is a couple – but nothing really passes muster – they are more Tex-Mex or “FAKE” trying to LOOK the part but wouldn’t know a Enchilada from a Burrito. A friend of mine took me to Two Amigo’s a small place off of 301/Fruitville.

Stepping inside sure reminded me of a few places in the Mission District. The host (and I believe owner) is also the server – he could be Cheech Martin’s brother – he has the laugh and the easy going manner for sure. Our lunch gang has become a staple of the establishment with our Credit Card lotto game.

The menu is very diverse – I was stuck on the Grouper (pain fried) with rice, salsa, and lemon. If you stop by there often enough you can see the place has a solid gang of regulars that haunt the place - (us being one).

Great Value – you can’t beat the prices or the quality. So far it’s the only Mexican restaurant worth going too. If your taste-buds think Taco Hell or Chipotle Grill is Mexican – you need a serious wake-up call - go to Two Amigo's!


402 N Washington Blvd
Sarasota, FL 34237
(941) 365-6583

Olive Barf-Den (get your sick bag out!)

We were hungry and driving around in the car and I needed to eat. We stopped at the Olive Garden - ok here comes the full beat down on this dump. First – there is not an Italian that would be found 100 ft of this place.

They sat us down in the full-on FAKE setting and asked us for our drink order. I love a good Sangria (if you ever get to SF – Cha, Cha, Cha in Upper Haight has some choice Sangria) – so I took the plunge and ordered the Sangria. She asked what flavor – my eyebrows pulled the Mr. Spock move with “are you f’n kidding me with that question?” – I said Sangria – RED WINE! OK – as the waitress waddled out of sight.

My wife looked around – oh my god – I could see it in her eyes – our hunger had driven us mad to even stop in such a place.


The Sangria arrived and I took a good stiff gulp of it and quite literally spit it out back into the glass. What the hell? It tasted like Kool-Aid. The waitress looked at me, "This is NOT Sangria, its Kool-aid", I exclaimed! No she said – it is Red Wine and Fruit Juice (you mean cheap red chilled Gallo with Kook-aid). I said – you actually put Fruit Juice in it – what kind. She said it was from a powder mix. I gave her back the glass – and said a hearty no thanks. My wife started laughing and so did my 4 year old son – thinking it was ok to spit out my drink – he quickly followed suit with his fruit juice. What can I say?

We ordered and the word "al dente" is NOT part of the Olive Garden vernacular – it’s box pasta (they don’t make their own) and then they pour (and I mean POUR) some kind of powdered crapola sauce all over it. There you go – full on puke. I had better meals in the NAVY and I am NOT kidding – this fully sucked. I expected this from Denny’s. I started looking around – then I realized – this was the “We going out for a special celebration night!” crowd that usually haunts Denny’s.

She came by – our plates barely picked over and drink glasses full. She said – is everything ok? I said, the water’s good! She didn’t get it – I asked for the bill (minus the Sancrapa) and we split – and actually looked for another restaurant.

UGLY and FAKE. The only thing Italian in that restaurant – was some crappy elevator Italian muzak.

Marina Jacks (the Cougar Den)

http://www.marinajacks.com/portside.htm




OK – for those in SRQ this place is a water front staple that defines the city front - but let’s take some time to REALLY look at this place.

For sure there are some Pros, you can pull up in your boat, the deck, the view, and they mix a good Margarita – but with the good, comes the bad.

If you want GOOD food – don’t bother, of course if you think Applebee’s is a special night out this just might be your spot. Now – being the big hypocrite that I am – I do have an occasional bite with a brew. That being said – it is only to get some proteins into the system (a fast chew and a swallow gets it down – it’s not a flavor savor taste).

So what about the atmosphere? Well maybe this story will give you a taste of the nightlife of this swinging hangout.

A few months back our firm was recruiting a financial engineer from Chicago. Being a young city guy – we wanted to show him a good time in SRQ, of course one of the stops is a night out at the Jacks to enjoy the weather, view, and a drink. Of course I invited our local posse – to bring atmosphere to the table – or as we shall see – maybe protection as well.

I have become accustom to a certain segment of the SRQ scene – and not realizing that – we entered the Cougar Den! WHOA!!!! I quickly found a safe path through the danger to a far table on the outside edge of the Cougar mating ritual that was quickly reaching a crescendo. The balding mullet – Hawaiian clad guitar player (with Casio back-beat) was pushing out the standard play list that was a mix-mash jam (Buffet’s Cheese Burger in Paradise – into a Casio Drums/Space – into Taylor’s standard Mexico). The Cougars would pop up and down out of their seats with just enough energy to give their tanned-leather skin good shake over the bones. Some stumbled to the bar – with that smile  looking for a gold-chain-clad, one-too-many-buttons-undone, hair-club member to buy them the next round. These cougars, even in a fog of musical drunken ecstasy, knew (as if primordial) the right moves. For most of the cougars – this would be the 3rd or even 4th mate that would shell out for a large rock, those sorry mates would actually believe that THIS would be the ONE!

Of course I tried to play it down, but when I looked over at our guest from Chicago – his eyes had widen and I could see the image permanently burned into his mind.

Just then – BANG! A Plexiglas wall that had been protecting us from the DEN – was seriously tested as a Cougar had seen fresh meat and pushed its runny-makeup covered drunken face against the glass to square up our guest. The cougar reeled back from the glass (forgetting it was there), losing balance and almost crashed to the floor.

We did the most to play down the scene, but there was no going back – it had now become a permanent memory – never to be forgotten. Our job now was more difficult and we quickly absconded to safer pastures. We needed to show him a different scene before he either became Cougar meat (if he dawned the Beer-goggles) or escape back to the Windy City. Regardless of the event, our friend from Chicago had decided to make the haul to SRQ.

Jacks is a place for an afternoon drink and chips, a place to stop by at sunset, or to bring the boat in. However, when the sun sets the place transforms into the epicenter of cheese-ball music, drunken fornication, and dangerous cougars looking for fresh meat. You have been warned!